Hello to anyone who reads my useless rants! After much frustration with the blogger interface, I've migrated over to Weebly. I shall continue my writing at:
www.impulsiveramble.weebly.com
Thank you and have a great day!
Sep 25, 2012
Mar 18, 2012
Ordinary is Extraordinary
For those of you who are gracious enough to read my musings, here's a thought for the day. It's a pretty short one. Consider it an aside from my usual heavy-handed approach.
"Ordinary is extraordinary."
I breathe, I see, I smell, and much more. An intricate interaction of cells and biological reactions. It manifests as a mind that wonders, questions, appreciates... What is the meaning of all this? Why am I? How will I? Who is this I?
Stop. Be silent. And just be. Notice the call of the songbird. The spring breeze upon the skin. The festival of colors. I see flowers, leaves, grass, and much more.
Cycles. One contingency/condition leading to another contingency/condition. Make money, lose money. Fall in love, fall out of love. Be healthy, become sick. Success, then failure. Birth, then death. Or how about this? Lose money, make money. Fall out of love, fall in love. Become sick, be healthy. Failure, then success. Death, then life. Two sides of a coin. Yet we struggle. Hmm...
None of this is ordinary. It is all extraordinary.
P.S. Thank you, Sam Keen. Thank you, to many others.
"Ordinary is extraordinary."
I breathe, I see, I smell, and much more. An intricate interaction of cells and biological reactions. It manifests as a mind that wonders, questions, appreciates... What is the meaning of all this? Why am I? How will I? Who is this I?
Stop. Be silent. And just be. Notice the call of the songbird. The spring breeze upon the skin. The festival of colors. I see flowers, leaves, grass, and much more.
Cycles. One contingency/condition leading to another contingency/condition. Make money, lose money. Fall in love, fall out of love. Be healthy, become sick. Success, then failure. Birth, then death. Or how about this? Lose money, make money. Fall out of love, fall in love. Become sick, be healthy. Failure, then success. Death, then life. Two sides of a coin. Yet we struggle. Hmm...
None of this is ordinary. It is all extraordinary.
P.S. Thank you, Sam Keen. Thank you, to many others.
Feb 27, 2012
From Christian to Atheist: My Deconversion Story (3)
Quite a few months have passed since I last updated this blog! I guess much has happened in my life recently. Anyhow, shall I continue with the third installation?
After some recent encounters that once again led to the same old tiring circular arguments about the Christian religion, I am compelled to continue where I left off in my deconversion story. I shall try to restrain myself, but my thinning patience with the "Believe-in-Jesus-or-you-are-eternally-fucked" mentality might make my diction a bit nasty today. There goes impartiality down the drain...
So let's get to it. The exchange with K, my high school classmate, left me in a state of deep uncertainty and confusion. This girl had recently lost her father to a terminal illness and seemed to be in a state of emotional shock. Clearly, the "fire and brimstone" approach wasn't exactly appropriate in this case (actually, is it EVER appropriate?). Furthermore, I wasn't sure about my own beliefs. I asked K for some additional time to sort out my thoughts.
With the season's end quickly approaching in 2006, I participated in my church's winter youth retreat as a worship leader. I acted like everything was ok, but my mind was in a very messy---How should I say it? Oh I know!---"cluster-fuck" state. But given that I was in a position of responsibility, I tried not to think about it too much and soldiered on for the time being.
In January of 2007, I attended a popular evangelical conference for students and young adults called Passion (You know, one of those mega-church concert events with shiny lights and fancy sound systems? I used to think they were so cool... But I digress). I was surrounded by tens of thousands of people singing with hands raised in euphoria and shouting an enthusiastic "Amen" to everything the speaker would say. However, I just couldn't get myself to do the same. Ever heard someone say he or she feels "stuck in a crowd?" Well, that was me. I was in a stadium full of zealous followers, yet I felt so alone; instead of partaking in a memorable communal experience, I was imprisoned in my own state-of-consciousness with unrestrained questions racing at a hundred miles an hour. At some point during the conference, I remember someone coming up on stage to talk about what a great job Christian missionary affiliates were doing in the Middle East proselytizing to Muslims. Usually, I would have clapped in support upon hearing such a testimony. But not this time. I thought, "What makes her so confident that she's enlightened while Muslims are not? Maybe they're onto something and we are wrong. Or maybe both are right? Or both wrong?" Shit, it gives me a headache thinking about it now! While everyone else was having a blast, I was acting like a party-pooper.
I came away from Passion more disillusioned than ever. Nothing seemed the same. I stepped down from my position as a worship leader at my church because I believed that I was not in the appropriate state of mind. Night after night, I would pray desperately to God asking him for some sort of divine inspiration. But nothing. It was truly confusing and terrifying at the same time. "Is this how the Fallen One tempts the Children of God?" I asked myself. But no answer. I began falling away from church because I had this strange notion that there was nothing to be had there. I would have to find the answer for myself. A lonely journey would soon begin.
More to come in Part 4...
P.S. I think this video does a wonderful job approximating what was going through my head at the time. The creator of the video is a YouTuber who also de-converted from Christianity after a similar experience. Even though he's describing a stage that has advanced much further than what I talk about here---and his deconversion process also differs slightly from mine---the emotion conveyed is nevertheless strikingly comparable. He also has a wonderful playlist in which he meticulously outlines every step of his de-conversion process.
After some recent encounters that once again led to the same old tiring circular arguments about the Christian religion, I am compelled to continue where I left off in my deconversion story. I shall try to restrain myself, but my thinning patience with the "Believe-in-Jesus-or-you-are-eternally-fucked" mentality might make my diction a bit nasty today. There goes impartiality down the drain...
So let's get to it. The exchange with K, my high school classmate, left me in a state of deep uncertainty and confusion. This girl had recently lost her father to a terminal illness and seemed to be in a state of emotional shock. Clearly, the "fire and brimstone" approach wasn't exactly appropriate in this case (actually, is it EVER appropriate?). Furthermore, I wasn't sure about my own beliefs. I asked K for some additional time to sort out my thoughts.
With the season's end quickly approaching in 2006, I participated in my church's winter youth retreat as a worship leader. I acted like everything was ok, but my mind was in a very messy---How should I say it? Oh I know!---"cluster-fuck" state. But given that I was in a position of responsibility, I tried not to think about it too much and soldiered on for the time being.
In January of 2007, I attended a popular evangelical conference for students and young adults called Passion (You know, one of those mega-church concert events with shiny lights and fancy sound systems? I used to think they were so cool... But I digress). I was surrounded by tens of thousands of people singing with hands raised in euphoria and shouting an enthusiastic "Amen" to everything the speaker would say. However, I just couldn't get myself to do the same. Ever heard someone say he or she feels "stuck in a crowd?" Well, that was me. I was in a stadium full of zealous followers, yet I felt so alone; instead of partaking in a memorable communal experience, I was imprisoned in my own state-of-consciousness with unrestrained questions racing at a hundred miles an hour. At some point during the conference, I remember someone coming up on stage to talk about what a great job Christian missionary affiliates were doing in the Middle East proselytizing to Muslims. Usually, I would have clapped in support upon hearing such a testimony. But not this time. I thought, "What makes her so confident that she's enlightened while Muslims are not? Maybe they're onto something and we are wrong. Or maybe both are right? Or both wrong?" Shit, it gives me a headache thinking about it now! While everyone else was having a blast, I was acting like a party-pooper.
I came away from Passion more disillusioned than ever. Nothing seemed the same. I stepped down from my position as a worship leader at my church because I believed that I was not in the appropriate state of mind. Night after night, I would pray desperately to God asking him for some sort of divine inspiration. But nothing. It was truly confusing and terrifying at the same time. "Is this how the Fallen One tempts the Children of God?" I asked myself. But no answer. I began falling away from church because I had this strange notion that there was nothing to be had there. I would have to find the answer for myself. A lonely journey would soon begin.
More to come in Part 4...
P.S. I think this video does a wonderful job approximating what was going through my head at the time. The creator of the video is a YouTuber who also de-converted from Christianity after a similar experience. Even though he's describing a stage that has advanced much further than what I talk about here---and his deconversion process also differs slightly from mine---the emotion conveyed is nevertheless strikingly comparable. He also has a wonderful playlist in which he meticulously outlines every step of his de-conversion process.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)